Bearing Fruits, Part I

As soon as my son read my last blog post, he cried out,"Slander! You humiliated me." He proceeded to "unfriended" me in Facebook, and even blocked my access to his profile. He then went to the Big City the next morning and got a job that day. "Hey Dad, I didn't do it because of you but put that in your blog anyway!", he called later that night.

Growing Recession Young Adults is like growing Grapes.

We live in California Wine country -- the land of the grape. There are parallels with the cultivation of grape and the growing of young adults. Here they are:

1. The raison d' etre of the vine is to bear fruit. What a disappointment and grief to the vinesman is the branch that bears no fruit, that completely fails to fulfil its purpose. Such withered branches are cast off into the fire and burned. Likewise such a waste or tragedy if we lead a life that doesn't contribute.

But don't get me wrong. The fruit is not the job, the salary, the car, or the house. The fruit is the ability to maintain all that and more: Self-perpetuation. Fulfilling your life's purpose or dreams. It's easy to be a fiery comet or a flash in the pan at one time or another. But to deliver meaningful results in a timely fashion is the goal. Here are the fruits (perspectives, paradigms) that have budded recently in my son.

• The value of time and money. "Money sure doesn't grow on trees... I have to work these much hours to get x dollars? Wow, how should I spend my first paycheck?"
• My work ethic. "I pride myself in doing a good job. If you fail to plan, you're planning to fail. Do your job first, everything else will fall in place."
• Teamwork. "We accomplish more when we cooperate creatively. When I think Win-Win, we accomplish more .. and fast."
• Preparation/Application is key. "My learning experiences give me the edge. The better equipped/trained I am, the better the job result."

When one is rooted in the right paradigms and perspectives, one will always have or find a job. That is what makes a person competitive and strategic. Thus, the secret is not to focus on the perks of the job, but on the perspectives that makes one a vital skilled or knowledge worker. A grapevine doesn't produce fruit in order to prove it is a grapevine, but produces fruit because it is a grapevine, and is well-rooted.

2. Everyone needs Direction and Focus. A vine if left to itself will just spread anywhere and will produce no fruit. It needs a framework where its branches are trained where to go.

But I don't tell my son what to do or where to go. I give guiding suggestions and he makes the decision. "Find a job that provides quality learning opportunities, that build on your strengths."

3. Pruning leads to Fruitfulness. A vine left to itself would put all its energy in foliage and would bear little fruit. The vine has to be pruned down to two or three major branches to bear much fruit. In life, this is what is painful but yet leads to great fruitfulness. Prune your activities so you can have Focus. Prune your Wants to serve your Needs and personal mission. Prune your fears so you can develop Courage and Initiative. Prune Self-seeking so you can grow Synergy in relationships. You have to prune it now, or life will prune it for you.

4. Recession is Good for Fruitfulness. The ideal soil for grapes is loamy soil. A soil that doesnt waterlog the vine. It is that controlled scarcity that is one of many factors that triggers a plant to go into a fruitbearing phase. Grapes cultivated for wine are small, seemimgly stunted than the table variety. But these grapes are packed with flavor and intensity that contribute to a wine's quality and value.

I could have paid for his apartment in the city to support his job search. Or provide him with all the amenities to make his stay there comfortable. But we're not growing parasitic weeds, we're growing award-winning Pinot grapes!

[To be continued..]

Meet Recession Son no. 1

Meet my eldest son - D'Ken.

Yeah, so you've noticed too. He is ... flamboyantly dapper.

Would you hire this guy?!
At 21, he has yet to experience his first job. All his other friends have jobs -- store clerks, receptionists, day laborers, photoshop jobbers. He's the only one who acts like he's living off this huge trust fund.

He wants to be a graphic illustrator (another poor starving artist!). He has great talent and genius, but has yet to learn to be more generative and produce more artworks in a given time. Despite incentives, like paying for the publication of his works (most artists dream of an angel investor, don't they?), his pieces are few and far between. Probably he's aiming for that one piece-de-resistance that will sell big. But look at the Chinese, they make only a few cents off their work, but they produce it in thousands. If only he'll produce a volume that's in-between.

Secretly, I wish he'll turn into a Creative Director -- those guys make even more than I do! And I really yearn that he develops the sensitivity and skill to cater to different clients and target audiences needs in a timely manner. He thinks that concept is "selling out" his artist integrity. But hey, most of the great masters did commissioned work to get by, didn't they?.

The greatest challenge for any change agent is to overcome barriers, especially emotional ones, to the acceptance and embracing of change.

Red Flags of Negative reactions to change, these I find

• Rational: "I don't understand what you're getting at", "I don't believe this step is necessary", "this aint going to work for me", "Oh this is not going to end well".
• Personal: "I'm fearful, anxious of tomorrow","I'm going to resent your criticism of my performance","I hate interference/interventions in my life"
• Emotional: Active or passive resistance. "I don't care", "I don't trust your motives behind this change", "I think you have a hidden agenda"

I believe one should take all resistance seriously, however far-fetched it seems, and deal with it effectively. Be sure to investigate silence thoroughly -- it is rarely golden. Persuade that change will always mean opportunity.

Using the carrot first before the stick may apply to him. He must "want" to change. Humor helps. So .. the beatings shall continue until morale improves!"

I just asked him how his job hunting process is coming along. He posted back, "I'll have you know that I went to see someone about my resume today. thank you."

As you can see the kitchen sink is now clean. Things are moving along nicely, change is on its way (... or down the drain. Yay!)

Time for Change

Change is part of life. Change should be embraced and made your Facebook friend.

There are basically three sources of change that our family must adapt to. 1) Crises change (like this recession). Changes in lifestyle and in values. Less eating out, less entertainment, less toys; 2) Changes due to growth and development. My sons just entered early adulthood and have to adopt new habits, skills, and responsibilities. They just got their driver's licenses, bank accounts and debit cards. And lastly, 3) Changes to Win. Mostly personal changes to survive and thrive in one's chosen field. This has to do with educational, training and practical learning opportunities and experiences. They are currently in the process of developing their work ethic and philosophy of work.

How can I motivate my children to embrace change and get the necessary skills to survive? How can I let them out of their comfort zones and accept the natural stress and discomfort associated with change?

"I get depressed after I make plans to achieve my goals.", my eldest son confessed. "Can't you see the signs when the kitchen and the living room get disorganized and cluttered."

I come from a third world country. Back home, one does not have the luxury of time or harbor feelings of depression. It's either you change or starve and die. Thousands are competing for few opportunities. If one snoozes, one loses.

I've read somewhere that crash survivors are characterized by the ability to get over the guilt/blame and depression, springing into action to find food, water and shelter.

How can I let them develop a sense of urgency with all life change?
I consider my sons blessed with above-average natural ability and access to tools and resources to thrive. But how come I see sons with less opportunities, abilities, and resources, even coming from trying circumstances but are able to rise above and thrive as responsible adults.

I asked one of Mathieu's prospective NY professors,"What is the most notable characteristic of your successful students?" She answered,"One word.. Tenacity."

My sons are works-in process, relatively spoiled emerging (timid?) dragons.

The one thing I struggle with them is their sense of time. We immigrated from a country that regards time in seasons and months. Here in the Western world we count time in days and hours. My eldest son want to go live/study in New York - they count time in minutes and hours.

I worry my time on earth may not be enough to see them through with all these uncertainty. I only wish they grow up soon and fast.

This is us

My name is Daddy Bob, my two sons are Paul (18)and Mathieu (20) . We live in the North Bay area, California. Our house in going into foreclosure. I am a single parent and work as a photographer. My two sons are in Community college and have yet to experience getting a summer job.

Its July 2009. This is the (comical) story of how we cope and thrive in a recession. It's so depressing, one can only laugh.